Day 4

As Day 4 of Ella's pfapa episode comes to an end, I am reflecting on the past few days. It has been a world wind. A very long week. An exhausting week. And a sad week. I do try to always find something positive out of every negative but I am struggling this time. I am frustrated that after 9 weeks of trying new foods, new vitamins, new ways to cook it didn't completely take this syndrome away from my daughter. Did these new methods bring a break in her episodes? Or is it coincidental? I won't stop doing this - because all of the things we've been doing are good for her, but I am going to keep researching and keep fighting for my daughter's health.

I know other pfapa moms out there completely understand when I say that watching your child suffer like this is awful, so painful. We all know it is not life threatening and blessed that it is not. But to not see your child smile, eat, run, laugh, play for several days in a row is just awful. And know that the same horrible week is going to return in a few more weeks. My sweet Ella has literally been either on the bed or couch for four straight days. Her smile and laughter is what I miss the most. Her laugh is contagious. I find myself trying to do silly things just to get a laugh out of her and it doesn't work. Her brother, whom can always get her to laugh, didn't succeed either. I continue to pray maybe tomorrow I will get to hear that laugh.

Anyways, as I am reflecting, I got an email from my husband (who is just sitting right in the next room playing on his computer). His email was a devotional from Charles Stanley (our favorite - we watch him on Sundays when we miss church).  The devotional is about mothers and it was beautifully written. To read the entire article click here - InTouch  I am reminded that "Children are a gift from the Lord" (Psalm 127:3-5) and that with this gift comes great acts of selflessness and service. I am not perfect at either, but I without having to think for a minute would walk through fire for my children and end any suffering for them. I haven't succeeded yet to end this suffering for my Ella but I will try forever!  Thank you Lord for your strength and guidance! And most importantly for my children - Ella and Hayes.